Sunday, October 5, 2008

Morally Superior Hippies

So one thing I noticed quickly was the high amount of hippies here. I was kind of stoked. I see people walking around grocery stores in barefeet, smoking pot at the bus stop, and of course wonderful hippie girl fashion. I was naive enough to think the downside of hippiedom would be absent here. I was so wrong.

It's like you get money to tell people what to do, and extra if you're a dick about it. The anti-smoking commercials back home are kind of cool...but these ones are just full of sort-of-celebrities telling you you're an idiot if you smoke, and how it's just as bad as genocide to sell cigarettes in the supermarket. It's enough to make me want to get addicted to smoking, just out of spite. Unfortunately, it's like $15 for a pack, so that just doesn't work for me. And this is what's on the packs:


Also, in response to hippiedom, the government has made it illegal to import a hookah pipe because it can be used to smoke marijuana. So can plastic bottles. Fuck you, I want hookah. I went to one of three hookah bars in the country, which was an 11 hour bus ride away, and located in the redlight district of the city. That was actually fun, because I got to meet some Persian dudes and talk about the shemales that walked by. But I won't be able to have any more until I get home, and that just sucks.

Anyways, back to the point. I was watching the Steelers whip up on the Jaguars today, when I couldn't help but overhear a girl across the room talking about the difference between cage-free and free-range chickens, and how one of them was inhumane and the other wasn't. She was with some guy who was working on a project with her, and clearly he wanted none of it. But he was trapped. He even got up to go to the bathroom, and the girl yelled at him to buy her some chocolate. Bitch. During commercials I'd tune in, and she could not leave the free-range vs. cage-free issue alone. She also talked about how eating skinless chicken is morally superior to eating the chicken skin, or something. I don't know. It really didn't make sense. I was so pissed off that I ordered a beef burger, because out of chicken, beef, and fish, there's a greater chance the cow was abused. I don't even think it's possible to be inhumane to a fish, which makes no sense.

Shoutout to Michelle, the waittress who brought me my beef burger. She's made every single Steelers game I've seen a delight, 3-0 record in those games aside. A beautiful exotic mix of Pacific Islander, Indian, and probably some African ancestry, she keeps surprising me with hints of more exotic ethnicities, as well as low-cut shirts. Here's to you.

Friday, October 3, 2008


If you want to watch a sport on television while in New Zealand, you have three choices: cricket, netball and rugby. The only exception is fortunately they carry Sunday and Monday night football games in the restaurant on campus, so I've gotten to see the Steelers 2-0 start in the divisional games.
1. Netball: I was kind of excited about this sport. I knew nothing about it, but the name sounds cool, and I knew it was popular here, so I figured it'd be awesome. WRONG. First off, it's only played by women, so you know it's going to be a snoozefest. Turns out it's basically women's basketball without backboards, dribbling, or jumpshots. If any country could figure out how to make women's basketball less exciting, New Zealand did it. I was going to post a youtube link of the game, but that'd just be cruel.

Check out that action! That's right, netball is full of people with indeterminate genders, and for some reason with letters instead of numbers on their uniforms. Here's a picture of New Zealand's captain:

Fuck netball.

2. Rugby: I thought rugby would be sweet. I was wrong. First I thought the sport was confusing, then when I was told each side had 5 downs to score, it made sense: it was American football without passing, and a lot more standing in a line. It's basically running and punting, and who doesn't love watching the Ravens play the Chiefs? Here's a much better alternative:

Gaelic football is awesome. When I went to a game in Dublin, one player got hurt, then continued to play for about 10 minutes before it was obvious he had to be taken off. Turns out he ruptured his ACL and MCL, but kept playing.

3. I'm not even going to talk about cricket. If you thought a baseball game was boring, you were right. But cricket's worse. It's longer, and has literally no sweet defensive plays, which is the only saving grace for baseball. To sum it up, one of the greatest NZ cricket players ever said 'cricket isn't a phyiscal sport.' Neither is chess. But no cricket game can match Searching for Bobby Fischer. Here's another place New Zealand can take a page from Ireland:

Hurling is awesome.

Thursday, October 2, 2008


This blog has been created because I'm pissed off at my school here. This afternoon I tried to log onto a computer in the library to draft my fantasy hockey team in my pitt ultimate league. Of course, for no reason, when I log on there's some error message about my account being full in the H: Drive or something like that, so I have to walk back to my place, get my laptop, and bring it back. I get back with 10 minutes to spare, boot the thing up, and of course the draft only loads 95%. It never finishes that final 5%, and I'm left drafting Ovechkin number 1, I have a lineup full or Red Wings, I have a New York Ranger and TWO Bruins. The only saving grace is my d-line is pretty damn good, and I think Carey Price will be alright this year. But really, fuck the New Zealand university system.
First off, the computer labs suck. There's a 20-computer library which is usually always full. Not to mention the support guy working here knows far less than me, and he's actually asked me to help other people with a problem he couldn't figure out. I think it had something to do with double clicking on My Computer, and seeing that hey, there's the scanner. Fucking hard shit, there.
Now if I have to leave the library, I go to any of the labs which have no ventilation, are easily 15 degrees too hot, and make you feel sick after about 25 minutes in them.
The classes are boring as hell. They read straight from the powerpoint slides, which I guess is okay since all I have to do is grab the handouts and sneak out and I'm done with class for the day.
The dorm I'm staying in is somehow too low-class for even me. Paint's chipping off the walls, there was a cockroach in my room day 2 (who may have actually fled the assault of filth that I was about to bring), and for some reason when I touch this one metal corner (where the paint has chipped off), I get a shock in my arm. I don't know how to explain this. The light in my room stopped working, but it's a wiring problem, so I don't want them to try to fix it because it could only somehow get worse. Also, the elevators work about 40% of the time, and there's a security guard walking around at 9 on a Friday night telling us to turn our music down. I mean we're playing SingStar (like guitar hero karaoke), it's not that loud at all. Finally, our dorm is filled with unattractive Asians. Not a looker in the bunch.
Fuck Massey University.